Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This Might be Better than an Oven

Diaper changes make me nervous now.  Every single time I place her on top of the changing table, she finds a way to make like Houdini Blaine Angel and escape every single grasp, grip, lock and hold I do. I mean, how do you guys do it?  How do you contain a budding contortionist during diaper changes?  Because mine begs for a death wish when she'd so much as feel the changing pad underneath her. 

I have no idea where this sudden desire for self-destruction came from, but it's unsettling when you see your infant twisting from her back to her tummy and squirm her way to the edge of the table, only to intensely stare at the floor that could possibly crack her skull open.  Sure, it's great knowing that she she's no pussy when it comes to heights, but  I'm not sure why she has this suicidal urge to put herself in such a dangerous situation, while she can just lay still for 12.9 seconds, enjoy the fact that her diaper's being changed by someone without even lifting a finger.  Not only that, she also gets the pleasure of listening to me sing Party in my Tummy (with a smile, natch.)  while cleaning her butt up.  Where else can you get that kind of service these days?

By now you're probably thinking.. "Get your head out of your ass and use the goddam floor, idiot"  

To which I will reply, "NO".  

Again, you ponder, "Why not?"

To which I will repond, "Because her father, the germophobe, will get a seizure when he sees this, the poor guy.  More importantly, we just purchased her new changing table a few weeks ago, right at the time she developed an aversion to having her diaper changed and we're dead set on getting the most mileage out of it, so it's either she sucks it up, or she falls.  Simple."

I know right?  We're just smart like that!   And did I mention we also just purchased her crib too?  Yup.  Just a few weeks ago.  Right when she started learning how to stand up on her own so that she can repeatedly bang her head onto the hard railings whenever she falls.

So yeah,  on top of the teething situation we have here, we have this little hurdle too.  I'm not really ranting here, life's been good, really. Just wondering what you guys thought of this awesome Smart Baby Case.

It comes equipped with an Auto Diaper Changer around the bottom and a moisture sensor which gently flushes away waste with water. Might be worth the splurge, yes?

Oh and Jaclyn, a commenter from this post thought I was okay enough (not too embarrassing) to be nominated on Babble's Top 50 Blogs for 2010.  Now she may or may not be fictional as her profile's not available for viewing, but who cares?  The woman has a valid point. 
So if you think my blog's not shitty, feel free to click on this link.  The Teething Mom should be somewhere there with 5 measly votes. Whut, whut!


jillsmo said...

That product is brilliant and I insist you purchase it immediately.

Seriously, though, when Child 2 started doing that we switched him to pullups and did it all with him standing up. Except on the floor, so... sorry about that.

Ashley said...

That carrier thing is genius, ordering mine asap. Just in case of disaster of course. Good luck on the changing table, I have to pin Mia down with all my weight on one arm and try to change the diaper with the other. All while she is screaming and trying to twist. Not good times.

Miranda LaRaut-Hartrampf said...

Wow i have no idea what to think of the baby carrier....

CurvyEveryday said...

You have me cracking up out loud like a crazy person.
I've given up i just change my guy standing up. I'm so hooked on your blog.

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Jill I actually like the pull-ups idea, I will purchase those right away. Because maybe we can also suspend her in my hubs pull-up bar while changing her so that her feet won't touch the icky floor, which is fabulous for hubs' nerves. Thanks!

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Ashley: Get in line, there's a waiting list. Nothing like a luxury baby case to tote your little one in style!

Miranda: I wanted to place a comment on your post but that word verification thing drove me crazy so I'm posting my comment to your post here.

Almost there Momma, almost there.

To prep you up with the whole birthing experience, I'd like to present to you my go-to website to let me know what lies ahead.  I particularly liked the extremely graphic photos, but that's just me. I'll be following you from now on because... I love being BFFs with new moms, specifically, the ones whose water's about to pop! Wheeeee!

Bevin said...

I voted for you. You such a liar, you totally had like 49 votes. I also remember this diaper wrestling stage. Just wait till she figures out how to take her diaper off in the middle of the night... Good luck. :P

Ashley said...


1. You can absolutely have my Babysitters # if you want, she is looking for work on Wed and Thurs from 8:30-1:30. She does laundry, dishes and cleans too. She's obsessed with taking out trash which is kind of cool.

2. Go to Nail Citi in the old mall, by Zgallerie. It's $32 for a spa mani/pedi and 10 for the massage. So I lied, it's $42 but still, pretty good price. Ask for Tai, he's the best.

TornadoTwos said...

Oh the fun is just beginning! From the time that they become mobile until they're like 4 our job every day is to stop our babies from trying to kill themselves. Multiple times daily. It's so stressful! LOL

Cute blog you have here, I'll definately be following!

Carri said...

Ha! I had people tell me the same thing about the floor. Maybe I don't want to sit my lazy ass on the floor. Maybe I'd rather wrestle the wild banshee while standing!

Miranda LaRaut-Hartrampf said...

Crud i just took that word verification thing off (i hate it to) i didn't realize it was on.

Oh and i love the site! Birthing stories are very addicting!

CurvyEveryday said...

i'll leave the rocking chair out if you leave the changing table. It's not like you'll be using it.

Amber@Nater Tot said...

I keep seeing you on Ashley's blog and hearing how fantastically funny you are, so I had to stop by and say hi! Your daughter is adorable, even if she is giving you hell. I refuse to use the floor for Nate (my 15 mo old) - I'm all about the changing table, even if I have to wrestle him to get that poo nugget out of his cheeks. My best advice - DISTRACTION! Make farting noises, blow on her belly...whatever will make her laugh and stay still for those precious seconds. Good luck :)

Anonymous said...

Changing tables are the stupidest thing one can buy and invest their money in. Use the floor lady!!!

tuta said...

Interesting site,lovely story.

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