Friday, November 19, 2010

Good Morning! Your Sister's Sliced Open!

This morning, I woke up and saw a voice mail from my mom to the tune of something like:

"Hi Tina! How are you? It's Mom, I hope everything's fine. How's Yuna? Anyway, I babysat for Faith (my niece) til 3 today because your sister got rushed to the ER. I think she fell flat on her face while at work and started bleeding or something. We're not sure about the baby though. So call her, ok? Love you! Kisses to Yuna!"

I had to repeat the message a couple of times to make sure I wasn't hearing things. My older sister, who's been trying to conceive for more than a year now.. Who's FINALLY 12 weeks pregnant, fell flat on her face and started bleeding or something?

GOOD MORNING!! RISE AND SHINE!

So I sat on the bed for a few minutes trying to digest the entire thing. I was trying to decide which one was more unsettling, the news about my sister's accident, or the chirpy manner in which my mom relayed the message to me. I grabbed my phone to call my sister, and naturally, she didn't pick up. Called my brother-in-law who also didn't pick up. I tried a couple more times, and still, no answer from either of them. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Guess who's about to OD on Xanax now?

Thirty minutes and fifty dollars of impulse online shopping merchandise later (only to calm my nerves), I received a text from my sister saying: I'm with the OB. Call you later

I completely panicked again and grabbed Yuna from her crib, pacing back and forth around the room, trying to get my mind off the tragedy. I calmed down after awhile and went back on the computer.

Two hours and a hundred bucks of impulse online shopping merchandise after and the phone remained silent. By then, I've concluded that she probably gets a kick out of giving me a heart attack and that she was just prolonging this to see how long I could bear the agony.

I sent another text to my sadistic sister. What's happening??

Then, the phone finally rings and her caller id flashed across the screen.

"Hello?", I answered nervously
"Helloooooo!! How are yooouuu?", she cheerfully replied. (Poor sis. Must be the drugs.)

I asked her what happened while carefully trying to decipher her tone, because for someone who just got rushed to the ER, she sounded as if she had the best sex of her life.

She proceeded to telling me about how her accident happened. Apparently, she wasn't feeling that well when she got to work and she blacked out while attending to a baby (she's a nurse) alone in the nursery wing. All she could remember was feeling dizzy and she woke up surrounded by her co-workers who were shocked to see her taking a nice nap on the floor while on duty.

When they finally got to wake up, they told her that they found her with her face flat on the floor completely passed out like a college chick on spring break. They also pointed out that her chin was all bloody and sliced open and fucked up, giving them a nice view of the meat inside so they rushed her to the ER where she can be further assessed for damages.

Bottom line is, she's fine. The baby's fine. With the exception of the stitches she needed on her chin, a sprained shoulder and bruised up knees, everything's pretty normal and her fainting spell was most likely a pregnancy symptom. So to the new mother of the baby she left next to the weighing scale in the nursery wing, she didn't mean to leave your infant alone like that. Trust me, I know my sister, and she loves babies more than her husband so I doubt if she meant any harm.

My boobs are so fucking awesome here

Anyway this post is dedicated to everyone who thought that I was older than my sister (who's over 4 years older than me, btw), and the ones who've presumed that my mom's my sorority pal. I get it. I believe you guys now. These ladies have given me enough reason to age way beyond my years during times like this when they'd send on a panic attack as they laugh their hearts and slap themselves silly in the face of death.


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6 comments:

mades said...

I got nervous! Ano buh! Glad everything is okay. I don't get ebay shopping parin Tina??

Gwen said...

Glad your sister is okay. Like you, I would have freaked and found it totally strange that everyone was soooo cheery!!!

Ashley said...

Craziness! So glad your sis is ok and so is her little bean. Your boobs do look awesome. I have serious boob envy these days.

kitten said...

Wow, major heart attack moment there! Good to hear Jen is okay! :)

jillsmo said...

Nice boobs.

Oh, and something about your sister?

Miranda LaRaut-Hartrampf said...

I'd have to say i would be more unsettled by my mothers tone... at first. (However my mother is weird and bio-polar and tends to over react.)

And no thanks to her i would probably freak out after second thought of the news she just gave me.

Anywho, I'm glad all is okay! And i hope you enjoy the stuff you got while 'feel better shopping.'

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