Tuesday, November 9, 2010

It's Like Pulling Teeth!

No other reason for posting this photo here, except that his teeth resembles mine a lot.
After getting a root canal, my dentist tells me that about 80% of my tooth has decayed and will need to be crowned. Great.  Just what I need after a root canal.  Another root canal.  By the way, in case you don't get the dental jargon, I will assume you either A.) have perfect teeth, in which case, I will advise you to go away, or B.) never seen a dentist your entire life and probably in constant, excruciating pain with no clue as to what the fuck to do with all your black teeth and killer breath, in which case, I am sending you my deepest sympathies.

I have a tooth, more specifically, a molar, located at the back quadrant of my upper mouth which started disintegrating  many years ago, probably when I was just 8 years old.  I had this tooth drilled and filled not because it grossed me out, but because, according to my former dentist, it has turned into a hazardous mess. The filling came off when I chewed on a jawbreaker early last year, and I procrastinated and dilly dallied on getting it redone, because let's face it, going to the dentist is almost always never pleasant.  Except when they drug you with Lidocaine, because that one.. is pretty fucking trippy.

So the time came when it finally started hurting, I got on the phone to call my former dentist, who (after 10 unanswered messages I left) decided to die out on me before fixing my stupid cavity. May your soul rest in peace and solitude, but really, Dr. Frank, you are funny at the wrong times.  When you told me my tooth was dying, I had no idea it was still strong enough to outlive you.  With that said, you are sorely missed.  And I still prefer you over my new dentist.

Anyway, I found a new dentist nearby who gave me a root canal to kill the nerve that was "so swollen it's about to implode".  He poked around the nerve a little bit and told me to come back on Saturday so that he can finish killing the rest of it.  I went back to their office over the weekend and was slapped with a $1400 estimate to finish up with the root canal and have the remains of my tooth crowned with porcelain.  $1400 to save a tooth that was once considered a bio hazard?

Color me stingy but extract the goddam tooth already! 

And extract is what they did.  

It's funny, how you sit there obediently,with your mouth hanging open as your dentist pulls out his weapons of mass destruction.  Even funnier, is your dentist when he tells you to hold still, because, "holding still" while getting your tooth extracted actually requires more will power and concentration than taking a dump.  So there I was, the biggest pussy in the world, dodging my dentist's advances on my tooth, shifting my head left and right until he decided he's had enough of my bullshit and pulled my head towards him in an arm lock.  I appreciate this type of manhandling from my husband, but certainly not from my dentist.  Not that it's insulting.  I just hated that I was forced to submit to his death grip and couldn't make a mad dash to the exit when he started yanking my tooth out.  I also hated that I couldn't talk smack, spit and annoy the hell out of him the way I always do when on the losing end. I was held hostage for more than an hour, as my dentist pulled and pulled and pulled on my tooth that refused to budge.

Here's my question. When he says "this one's a hard one" and "there goes my forceps", in  that particular order, it's usually not the best sign, right?  So it follows that as much as my mouth was a bloody wreck, my dentist was probably bawling his eyes off because my tooth managed to destroy his prized forceps?  Good.  Payback's a bitch.


Lanita said...

I have always believed it is easier to go the the ob/gyn than to go to the dentist. Less pain and judgment. They must require Judgment 101 in dental school.

Gwen said...

You had me laughing out loud! I have awful teeth. And I hate going to the dentist because it hurts and because it's so expensive! And while he's torturing me, I get to look at snapshots of his family taken is all sorts of exotic destinations. Loads of fun.

A friend once said to me "Doctors, dentists, and hairdressers never have anything nice to say". I agree.

Mica said...

"There goes my foreceps" - we should befriend this dentist Tina.

Ashley said...

Ahh this makes me want to pass out! Both the pic and the mental image of your tooth being yanked out!

Sally said...

I had to get a tooth pulled, and the oral surgeon said, "Just going to put a little pain med on this." He did. I said,"so when are you going to pull the tooth?" "Haha, I already did."

This guy is definitely taking my kids' wisdom teeth out. As the world's biggest wuss, even I can see that he was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than your dentist!

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