Monday, November 8, 2010

Well, I Never Really Placed Her in my Oven

 I'm getting a lot of heat regarding how I wanted to place my daughter in an oven before.

Let's get one thing straight,  though I sometimes always rant about my struggles as a first time mom, I am head over heels crazy about my daughter, and therefore, will never place her in my oven. For one, even if I really wanted to, there's no way in hell I could fit that chunky body of hers in it.  More importantly, I'm not as psycho as the mom who shook her daughter to death for interrupting her Farmville game.

You see, I don't usually blog about my stellar parenting moments-- times when I actually feel I'm doing my job right, because I'm too busy clapping my toes and giving myself a pat on the back..  I don't blog about how awesome I am (and I totally am) as a mom because that's just too boring, and I highly doubt if it would tempt any of you to come back to my blog again. Those moments, I share with my daughter, and my daughter alone.  You guys don't need to know about the times we make each other laugh, rock ourselves to sleep and traverse the world armed with nothing but the indestructible bond we share between us. You don't need to hear about our stories of silly food fights and bubble baths, nor do I feel compelled to share my tear-jerking moments of seeing her stand up on her own or hearing her say the word "Mama" for the first time. I will only speak of those times to the one person who deserves to hear them before anyone else does, and that is my daughter.

But more often than not, I find myself trapped in yet another screw up as a reaction to this motherhood  thing that's completely new to me. I encounter parenting situations which sometimes render me inadequate and could sometimes make me puke in frustration. So instead of snapping at my own daughter or lashing out at my neighbors for having wild, glorious sex at 8 in the morning, while I go through yet another parenting failure, I blog. I purge it all out in here because I'm sure, and I'm betting my  Vegas winnings on this one, that there are other mothers out there who can actually relate. 

So when I say I'd like to put my daughter in an oven, all it is is a new mom attempting to be a sarcastic smart ass for the sake of saving her sanity.  Though my thoughts are often heavily seasoned with foul language and profanity, I'm not one who would throw out the words fuck and bitch just for the sake of being funny.  I say it like I mean it.  So if you chalk me up as a terrible mother for all the snark and rantings you read in here, I'd much rather lose you as a reader than be judged for being honest.  I want to share my inner  ramblings with other moms who don't take themselves too seriously, the ones who still question their parenting abilities even after 5 kids and the ones who find that they are still no more patient than they were before having a baby,  because they get it, the way I get them.

I learn a lot more from them than from moms who preach of becoming good parents, because through their insecurities, vulnerabilities and failures, I  realize I'm not alone.  I like that they can laugh at themselves and that they're the first to admit it when they're in a funk.  I can sympathize with them, as they write about their dark, colicky hours when they were driven by their inner demons to scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!", because it is in that brief dark moment that they learn to better themselves.

Because like them, I've been there too.

I write about how much of a bad mother I am, because my confessions make me feel like a good mother-- one who is  more aware, more instinctive, and more in tune with the the needs of my daughter. That said, I'd like to think I'm an innately good person, struggling to be the best mother I can be for my daughter's sake, save for the occasional screw-ups and profane ramblings I post in here, with a penchant for posting funny (or to quote you, "John"), "vulgar" photos, and a dry sense of humor.

So in conclusion, I did not place my baby in an oven.

The end.


michelmoba said...

amen mama

liz said...

i found your blog in the middle of one of those dark, colicky nights and you helped me feel a lot less alone....thanks!!

Jaclyn said...

I never understood why people would read a blog and then spend their time bashing it...isn't reading a blog for pleasure? If I didn't like your blog, or your sense of humor, I wouldn't come back!!! I'd click the little X at the top of the page and forget about it. Tell the haters to go get a job.

jillsmo said...

The expression "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" has never been more appropriate.

You shouldn't have to explain yourself; this is YOUR blog and you're allowed to say whateverthefuck you want on it. You don't have to make excuses for the things you write here, the people who don't get it are assholes and idiots, anyway. (((YOU)))

kitten said...

Pffft... don't mind them, you can't please everyone. If they dont like what they are reading, they can STOP reading.

Anonymous said...

I should never be around people who don't understand sarcasm or snarky-ness. I'd probably want to put THEM in the oven.

Nice work keeping it honest.

Renacita said...

I could not agree with you more! I am so sick of people who take everything so seriously! Laughing at yourself and your children is good! And expressing the things that frustrate you in a creative way that makes others laugh and feel a little less alone in their struggles as a parent, is good. Thanks for being real.

Brittney said...

I really enjoy reading your blog! And I hope others will too! There is a blow award waiting for you on my blog @ These Talking Walls

Anonymous said...

Agreed! That is one of the best things about this blog. I feel like you get me. I have thought of placing my children in the oven as well!

Tina@ said...

You ladies are AWESOME. Thank you for the kind words.

*wipes tears with burp cloth*

Mica said...

Sometimes I think this society is slowly going backwards towards a very narrow-minded Puritanistic mentality (similar to the time when alcohol was banned). Everything has to be perfect, branded, done right otherwise you are greeted with much hostility.

And that's BULL SHYET!

Nicely written Tina.

Karinya said...

I'm with you 100%

I'm hosting a goofy giveaway to "celebrate" imperfect parenting, and -- you know what? People are hella hesitant to enter because to do so they actually have to 'fess up to a less-than-proud parenting moment. People are odd. (About a zillion clicks, lots of links to it, but very few who will actually stick their necks out.) I was kind of surprised! Isn't that sort of the whole point of (our flavor of) mom blogs?

Grumble grumble humanity.

Perfect parents are boring. Rock on.

Carri said...

WTF is wrong with people? Can't take a joke? I had some dummy on my blog giving me heat because I said I was 10 years pregnant. Seriously, bitch needs a hobby. Blog on, sista. I'm right there with you.


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