Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Poop Smells Lovely, Next to her Milk Drenched Neck

This little lady loves being smothered with kisses-- all over her face, her cheeks, her forehead, her neck.  MY 
GOD, HER NECK!!



Her neck smells of toe scum, to put it mildly.  

You see, Yuna's a fatty, and with fat comes a lot of flab.. and folds.  We discover new folds everyday, and though we try our best to scrub the scum visible to our naked eye, we are only human.  We don't go crazy looking for scum in folds that shouldn't have existed anyway.  Apparently, her milk passageway includes a huge chunk of her neck too, and mixed with sweat, it creates for The Ultimate Prank.   But since we are peacemakers and not pranksters, we want to take care of this problem.  With an infant that's been consistently off the growth charts for 6 months in the running, it looks like now is the time to change the game plan.  

HOW TO WIN THE BATTLE AGAINST A STINKY NECK:

1.  Lift layer #1 (outermost layer).  Wipe with anything damp, preferably, something sanitary.   Air dry with portable fan for 5 minutes.

2.  Lift layer # 2 (middle layer).  Now with a scalpel, extract all the scum you can see.  Now close your eyes.  With your bare index finger, I want you to swipe the surface of the layer and look for bumps.  If smooth, proceed to wiping.  If bumpy, scratch milk remnants with your finger nail.  Blow remnants away and do a thorough wipe down. Air dry with portable fan for 10 minutes this time.

3.  Lift layer #3 (innermost layer).  As your safety is my concern, please make sure to wear a gas mask when operating on this layer.   Prime layer with disinfecting solution, or Windex, whichever you prefer.  Let soak for 2 minutes.  Grab a loofah or two (not mandatory, if you don't have one in your possession, a kitchen sponge will do) and scrub the motherfuckers out.  Stop when skin looks raw. Air dry for 15 minutes.

PREVENTION AND MAINTENANCE:

**If symptoms persist, consult  cosmetic surgeon for infant liposuction.  

Now you're on your way to having a nicer smelling baby!  Go take a whiff and enjoy!

16 comments:

kitten said...

FUNNY!!! Cuteness overloaaaad! I wanna bite her cheeks!

Anonymous said...

LOL! That is VERY funny! I just found your site yesterday and I read all your blogs (from aug to nov1 post)in a day in between work and i'm sure i'm gonna be following you and Yuna from now on.. You absolutely deserve to be in the NUMBER 1 spot! ;) keep it up! -RS

Hanna said...

Hi!! I'm your newest follower!! I found you on Top Mommy BLogs! I love finding new blogs and your is lovely! You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

Take a *peek* at my giveaways if you come by. Everything is handmade and gorgeous!

This post is hilarious BTW. I HATE stinky neck:_)

Jeannie said...

So stinkin' funny! I totally know what you mean about that smell (and the curdled bits found beneath the folds as well). Is it sad that I miss that smell?!

Ashley said...

Omg where were your instructions when Nate was stinking up our house? I've kept Mia skinny so we don't have to deal with this the 2nd time around.

jillsmo said...

Ahhhh, yes. Scratching and blowing; how can you go wrong?

Sara said...

As I sit here reading your post the smell of sweet baby neck soiled with spoiling milk and formula fills my nose. Memories! And she is only 10 1/2 months.

I will be following.
www.touchofhomelearning.blogspot.com
www.thehickmanfour.blogspot.com

EntrepreMother said...

The first time I realized my daughter was hiding yesterday's spit-up in her neck was the first time I really questioned my ability to tend for another human. I still question it sometimes, but today, her neck is clean... I think... wait, lemme check...

LosPeterson said...

This is my first time reading your blog. HILARIOUS! I thought my delicious, little fatty was the only one with a B.O. of the neck problem. Sometimes I find dust bunnies in her fat rolls. So gross. But you gotta love the chubs!

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Kitten: You can not only bite her cheeks, you can borrow her too! For a couple of weeks! How's that? :)

RS: Thank you, it feels nice to know I'm being read by someone in between work. However, if employed, will not take liability for termination. If self-employed, will accept donations.

Hanna: Welcome, welcome! Feel free to stay and click on my ads! (kidding, Google)

Jeannie: Quite frankly, it is a bit sad. Because there are more pleasant things to miss than neck scum. I miss her wet burps, but never yearned for her cradle cap. :)

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Ashley: I was still busy learning how to make babies when Nate was Yuna's age. Oh, and good job keeping Mia stink free. Sometimes, I wonder how it feels to kiss my baby's neck without wrinkling my nose.

Jill: Scratch, sniff and blow. You gotta test the waters before taking a dive.

traci@www.herdingsquirrels.com said...

Honestly, I used to liken it to "vagina neck." Who knew a neck could have so many folds that ferment so quickly...

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Sara: Thanks for following! Quick question: The stink disappeared at 10.5 months? So wait, there's hope? My baby will grow her neck soon?

EntrepreMother: When in doubt, just smell. Also, you can never go wrong with my instructions. :)

LosPeterson: Wow. Dust bunnies? Really? Lucky you! All you need is a little Windex!

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

HAHAHAHA!! Ferment. LOVE that word. It sounds very sour. Nice one Traci!

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

Joette said...

I have a very fat baby, too. He was 9lbs 3oz at birth. I started smelling this god awful smell and realized that it was coming from his neck. About a week later I smelled another god awful smell coming from a crease in his leg. Even though I made sure to read up on how to properly bath a baby, I must've missed some steps along the way. I had the smelly child for a while. I think I've finally figured out to to clean my baby...for the most part.

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