The Fussy Asian

People seem to be finding my blog by typing in the words FUSSY ASIAN on Google search, and coincidentally, those keywords couldn't be more apt with my post for today.  I thought that by now, I'd have been immune to little things about parenthood that irk me.  Things like phony cries, napless days and vazillion chores should no longer take its toll on me, but goddamit, being a parent is hard.  It's fucking haaaaaaaaaard.

Oh Amber, who knew you'd be 16 and Behind Bars too?

I find myself vulnerable to a meltdown whenever the three of us are stuck at home on a rainy day.  I know having Shi around to help out should make things easier, but ironically, weekends spent solely at home tend to make me super bitchy. There's just something stressful about three different people wanting to do three different things simultaneously.  One person wants to be entertained, the other one is in desperate need of a nice shower, while the other one just wants to be on the computer the entire day.  It gets frustrating, because you always end up not being able to do what you've been meaning to do and you have to keep on reminding yourself that someone else is the boss of you now, and you can't just say peace out when things get uncomfortable.  So you suck it up and deal with whatever shit that needs to get done so that you can finally do what you've been wanting to do.

Then, you later find out that you just have to forget about the things you've been wanting to do, like waxing your facial hair or popping a zit, because you get so excited about finally having some alone time, you end up burning a good two hours stalking your old crushes on Facebook.  In between photo albums, the baby wakes up crying inconsolably while your husband's out putting gas in your car, and the frustration rewinds itself all over again. 

Such is the life of a new mom.  

Here's where my envy for men rolls in.  Men are such stable creatures.  I admire their ability to peel themselves away from the situation so that they can face it head on, void of emotions and vulnerabilities.  It amazes me that no matter how long and loud Yuna cries, Shi still manages to retain his composure and patience, whereas I, would be begging him to get her off my face. immediately  That kind of rationality and stability is exactly what I need during days like this.  Days when I can't even look at my daughter straight in the eye because I fear that if I do, she might just see through my gritted teeth and feel that she's the reason for my budding angst.  And since I don't want her to see my frustration building up, I take it out on Shi, the one person who could possibly save my dwindling sanity.

The good thing about it is that I don't really lose my cool.  Sure, I get bitchy, and I throw around sarcastic one-liners to his well-meaning questions while I remain silent for a good couple of hours, but that's just about it.  Eight years with this man has taught me that punching someone who is well-trained in martial arts is not only futile, it's a big waste of precious energy.  Keeping my mouth shut while he scrimmages all over the house, taking over the duties I've abandoned out of sheer frustration, proves to be lot more effective in pissing him off more than anything. 

But then, he becomes the bigger person and ignores me in the middle of my silent bitchfest.  There I was, slamming doors and banging drawers, trying to prove a point, while he sits quietly with Yuna, happy and content, while the same episode of Yo Gabba Gabba for the third consecutive time. He never lets me get to him, not just for the sake of our kid, but for the sake of our partnership.  I could pretty much act immaturely the entire day, up until I realize that it's boring not talking to anybody, and he'll wait for me to just snap out of it so that we can talk it out.  

Shi suffered through my bitchiness up until  I checked my blogger stats again and this time, a problematic dude out there who needed some guidance found himself in my blog by typing in "creamed her and got her pregnant".  That's right. Creamed AND pregnant. Guys, we have a winner!

I closed my browser, looked at him with a smile and said:  "Hey, let's go give her a bath".