Tuesday, November 23, 2010

HELP! She Wants to Die!!

It only gets worse from here, eh?  From the rolling, to the crawling, the the sitting, to the standing, to the walking?  It seems that the more these babies gain mobility, the more you have to be conscious about keeping them alive, because OH MY GOD they lunge and crawl to their deaths, these creatures.

What is it with babies wanting to kill themselves these days?  When you thought you were just getting over the time they rolled themselves off the bed and self-destruct by leaping off the changing table, they find yet another way to show off their suicidal tendencies. 

So we replaced her old tub with a new one meant for "bigger babies" because we thought it was time for her to go completely crazy splashing around in it without wiping out in a real grown-up bathtub.  I ordered this Hoppop Bato Tub last week and a few toys she can munch on to keep herself busy while we scrub her down and look for food in the most inconspicuous areas of her body, like dried squash behind her knees (how it got there is still a mystery to me).

I'm not gonna lie and say that this is the safest and most efficient bathtub you can find for your child, because it's not.  Other than its mad cool looks, it's just a plain old mini tub that gets the job done.  There's no magic involved when bathing your precious one in the Hoppop- no crazy padding, soothing spa features (like the one I previously had. wtf right?), and techie thermometers. You sit the baby down, fill it up with water, splish splash, and off you go.  But here's the thing:  The thing is,  THE THING IS, they refuse to remain seated.  Which means that you have to figure out how to rinse them off while they pull themselves to stand.  That's a bit difficult, especially when they keep on slipping and bumping their heads, even while you're holding them.  So it's not like you're being negligent, right?  You're there, doing what you're supposed to do, you're holding them.  But they still manage to bang their heads and potentially drown.

Do you know where I can purchase a gadget you can install along the sides of bathtubs which gives babies a gentle shock wave whenever they pull themselves up to stand? Because it's either that, or I dress myself as Foofa and get in the grown-up tub with her just to keep her in it. And now that I'm thinking about it, I scare myself even more, because bath time's due in a couple of hours and I know she'll be doing it again.

Pfftfftt. Baths are so overrated.  If there's anyone in this household worthy of a shower, it's ME.  At least her dad doesn't flinch when he gives her a big hug.  He does that all the time with me, while telling me I've gone past my expiration date.  Apparently, I now have a shelf life.

9 comments:

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

That's why God made baby wipes. We've been calling it the whore's bath, but now that Wee 'Burb can mimic language, we're just calling it "wipey time."

jillsmo said...

We're down to twice a month at this point, and they're not even babies anymore. I'm just lazy.

Klove said...

The story of my life...try doing bathtime with 7-month old twins! New follower. Check me out at www.loveluciblog.blogspot.com

Bevin said...

Oh gosh, I know what you mean about the bathtub! My 17 month old tries to scale the bathtub walls every time I turn my head.

kitten said...

Oh god, I dread the day when Nadine gets unmanageable during bath time. Right now, she sits in her tub like a good little girl playing with a dozen squirty toys and a pirate ship I put in there. If you find the solution, make sure you share. Nadine will be giving me that kind of trouble in a couple of months!

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

What happened to "Be patient momma! I did this and it TOTALLY worked! Try it!"?

Does that mean.. No more baths til they're in college? Because I read about this mom who let her 6 year old shower alone and the poor kid ended up in the ER. Dayum.

CurvyEveryday said...

i had a friend who used a bumbo seat in the tub. I hate bath time, i just make my husband do it. Try that.

Helen@Soft Leather Baby Shoes said...

I had a seat that stuck with suckers to the bottom of the family bath. Their legs went under a bar at the front of the seat which made it really difficult for them to get out of it without help.

entrepremother said...

Perfect timing. I was just thinking yesterday how I don't know how we've kept her alive for 10 months already, and how we're going to keep her from losing a limb, or something, in the upcoming days/months/years.

Yesterday, I made the big mistake of trusting my 14yr old nephew to watch her for 5 (FIVE) minutes while I ran upstairs to get something. 5 (FIVE!) minutes later, who do I hear crawling around outside my room, but my daughter. She had climbed all the way up the stairs, by herself, without any attendance, because my 14yr old nephew was playing with his iPod Touch.

Point is, if she survives another day amongst the knives, the stairs, the sharp corners, the large chunks of food, the diseases the cats drag in, the lead in the paint, the falling out of the bath and off the changing table and the bed, I'll be happy.

Related Posts with Thumbnails