Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I Would Like to Put You in an Oven

How do you put an infant on timeout?  I am thinking of ways to contain this squirming little shit for hours and hours now and I have yet to come up with something that won't entail intervention from the Child Protection Services, because that's just too much of a hassle.

Anyway, Jillsmo suggested Duct Tape, which I think is absolutely brilliant, except that I am out of those right now.  As I type this, my infant is taking a nice 5 minute nap.  This is good, considering that she has put me through all sorts of crazy since last night and I seriously think it's from a phenomenon called the Vegas Aftermath.

I spent 3 delicious days in Vegas to celebrate my birthday prematurely, leaving Yuna to my hormonal sister.  Not a very good combination.  Within the 3 days we were away, she learned 3 new skills in no particular order: 

1. Screaming at any sign of a human being 3 feet AWAY from her.  If you are fortunate enough to go past the 3 feet to leave the room and possibly pee, you lucky animal you, take advantage of this while she hasn't noticed.  Go pee, brush your teeth, sterilize bottles and have your lunch within 3 minutes.  Because once that child notices your successful escape, she will scream as if she's being skinned.  Not that I still mind this,  I just don't wanna have to deal with all that CPS drama.  Otherwise, you can just say fuck it and be within touching distance from her to shut her up.  Save those eardrums for toddler meltdowns at Toys R Us.

2.  Aversion towards men.  According to reports from my sister, Yuna has also developed an aversion towards men, most especially, loud men who won't shut the fuck up.  This includes my brother-in-law and 2 other good friends.  This is particularly weird, because my daughter is a huge flirt and she loves to be surrounded by men more than Lindsay Lohan loves going to jail. So I don't know, I am hoping this is just a phase.  She will be meeting a lot of male relatives and friend for the first time this week so I am keeping my fingers crossed that she does not spit on their faces.  That is just too embarrassing.

3. Saying the word "MAMA" then proceeding to slapping my face.  Is this her way of telling me that she wants to put me on timeout too?  Because of it is, I have no other choice but to put her in an oven.  Duct Tapes won't cut it this time.

So I am hoping all this is just a minor case of Separation Anxiety and that she will unlearn all these things in a few days.  Revenge, particularly from my own daughter, is a BITCH.  So while she naps, I will sit on a  chair within 3 feet away from her crib and help myself to solving a Moose a Moose puzzle.  Shiver me timbers! Triangle square triangle square!


jillsmo said...

I am SO with you on the oven thing. Can I cram both of my kids in there, too?

kitten said...

Yuna, I suggest you start batting your eyelashes at Daddy Shi for protection!

Tina@ www.theteethingmom.com said...

Jill: Please help yourself. Child 1 or Child 2 can take the broiler in case my giant baby takes up too much space.

Kitten: He found her kicking my face while I was playing dead when he got home from work.. He thought it was adorable. I am abused in this household.

Lisa said...

Hey Tina, thank you for the blog award! I'm sorry I'm responding a month later, I suck. I just wanted to thank you and share the link to my "acceptance speech." LOL

Awesome blog you have here, and thank you again! :)


Anonymous said...

Tina, you have single, childless friends who are gullible enough to want to babysit Yuna all day, no charge, with true pleasure. Take advantage.


BN Mom said...


I love your blog!
I'm your newest follower, when you get a chance maybe you can take a look at mine!

Thanks :)

Jen said...

See??? See??? See what I mean??? Now there's justice when I wanted to leave her outside the porch for pick up. She did ALL those three things from the minute you left. Anxiety with Chris within the first five minutes you left, screaming for no reason and saying MAMA like I didn't feed her for days.
Special request: can you please please try to leave your little monster with your childless friends for more than 24-48 hours because I want to prove a point...it's not meeh!!!! I'm sure they'll want to shove her in the dishwasher before the 24-hour countdown is even over...pretty please??? =)
Don't get me wrong, I still and will always LOVE LOVE LOVE Yuna to death even if she tries to rip my face off.. I love my little Yuna GIrl!!! JUst no more baby sitting for over 24 hours...at least for now!!....(wink!)

daniii♥ said...

Our pediatrician told us not to stick our daughter into time out until she's 2. He said to go for 'quiet time' instead.

My daughter says mama and slaps me, too. I think she's just looking for a reaction. I just held her hands down and told her no. And every time she did it, I held them down longer. Now she doesn't do it as often, thank goodness.

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