Me Baby Thinks Me Crazy: Hey you! Yes, you! Get out of the way!

Have you ever been told that your kid's cute? Of course you have. Doesn't it feel nice? Don't you just wanna give yourself a pat on the back and breathe a sigh of relief because finally, the hundreds of dollars you just paid The Picture People to take photos of your hairy newborn sprawled naked inside a woven basket turn out to be soooo worth it after all?

I'm used to hearing that my baby's cute. True, they're mostly from loving relatives and a few select friends, but hey, cute is cute. I'll take anything.

So over the weekend we braved the horde of Coach hoarding Asians at the Camarillo Outlet to pick up some stuff for Yuna. What's up with Coach anyway? Is Coach leather traded in the black market? Anyway, they literally caused a massive traffic build-up with the line of eager Coach extremists camping out under the heat for their turn to enter the store. But I digress. My only goal was to pick out new clothes for my daughter's rapidly growing body as I have realized a week ago that she has mostly been wearing her 12-month sized clothing. I organized the massive amount of clothes I got from my baby shower from newborn all the way up to 18 months but for some strange reason, she skipped the 3-9 month bracket and jumped from newborn to 12 months. Very strange.

I weaved through baby store after baby store grabbing everything that fit my exquisitely original taste in baby wardrobe. Of course, with winter coming up I can't afford to let my little Yuna wear anything less inferior than cashmere....

HA! That was a good one. The only thing original about my taste in baby wardrobe is the fact that I'm a sucker for buying awesome 2nd hand pieces on eBay. Other than that, I'm just about as original as Carter's onesies. Anyway, I arrived at my very last stop which was Gymboree. If any of you are familiar with this outlet's branch, let me be the first to point out that it's quite ironic and annoying for a kids' clothing store to be so narrow and tiny, you literally have to elbow other moms with their strollers to make it to the very back- the holy grail that is the clearance rack.

Ironic too, is the fact that of all the places they can set up the TV area (the sitting place that has a small tv playing cartoons all day long where moms leave their kids in so to take maybe 10 minutes of silence while shopping), they choose to dump it by- drum roll please-- the Clearance Rack! Not only do we have to elbow other moms for good deals, we gotta watch out and be careful not to step on their children's heads. Great.

So there I was browsing through the rack like a madman until I saw an Asian dad standing about 6 feet away, clutching a stroller that held his newborn, obviously trying to get my attention. As it was pretty loud in the store, I couldn't quite hear what he was tring to say so I mouthed "Excuse me?"

Asian dad mouths back, "Is your baby older?"

Weirdo, of course my baby's older. Your infant is in a bassinet! My child can eat your child!

Me: "4 months"

Asian dad: "She's so pretty"

Me: "Awwww... thanks! Yours too."

I turned my back at him glowing, it's such a nice thing to hear after a long exhausting day. As I shifted my attention back to the clearance rack, I felt a tap on my shoulder seconds later. It was Asian dad, perhaps with another compliment?

Asian dad: "I ask you move your stroller, my baby can't see tv."

Yuna almost choked on Sophie the Giraffe upon hearing this. Fine, I almost choked on Sophie. News flash sir! Of course your baby can't see tv! Your baby's a fucking newborn!! Newborn!!

I should've known better than to believe that some Asian dude was going out of his way to butter up my daughter. I'M ASIAN, and we don't do shit like that. We're good in math and cars and winning in casinos, but compliments? Nah. Too emotional.

So to you, Mr. Chingchangchung, my daughter would like to give you a piece of her mind: